Came across a list of the 100 Most Likely People To Die In 2009 on Cinema Blend today, thought I might share the wealth.

Most notable exception of course is that Shaneequa Bobble-Head (because that bitch’s head is always on a swivel, am I right?) Tyra Banks.  If it’s not possible to die from sheer ‘tude, I’m almost sure someone will be so fed up with her shit one of these days - enough so to spike her Slim Fast shakes with cyanide.  (… and I know just how to do it.  Uhh… I mean…)

P-Sway at numero six is a little pessimistic, I’d like to think he’ll be gone and out of everyone’s hair by mid-February at the latest. Here’s hoping.  Also, I’d be surprised if Gary Busey (#51) makes it through the night.

My most favouritest is definitely number 35!  The Iron Sheik has become my personal hero over the last year or so.  He’s made so many appearances all over YouTube, usually crying and/or raving about Chris Benoit’s murderous ass (Easter Egg: Notice CNN lists murdering your wife and 7-year old child as “Story Highlights”).  ”Sheiky-Baby” is the only man on earth who can go from screaming to crying to screaming faster than “celebs” are jumping on the Scientology bandwagon (Travolta killing his son, for the win!). Apparently Sheik has done a lot of Howard Stern appearances as of late, which has boosted his status. Too bad I don’t care because Howard Stern is so 1999 (seriously, when is THAT guy gonna die? I hear Syphilis is the new silent killer).

Least likely to come true? #85 in your program - Irving “Magic” Johnson. Everyone knows his insides were replaced with robot parts in the 90s. No one has AIDS for 32 years, sorry.  We’re on to you pal.

In the “Sorry To See You Go” department, we have Angela Landsbury at #49 of “Murder She Wrote” fame (define “fame”).  I know Dan will be most upset since that was definitely his favourite show growing up, next to “Dear John”.  At least she’ll be solving crimes up in heaven.

Finally, I love how Barack Obama at #10 is so much higher than John McCain at #88.  Eat that Matt Damon!

Enjoy.

So I just got back from Las Vegas, hence the lack of postages.  Sorry, I didn’t bring you guys anything back.  Well… maybe a few STD’s. But seriously, I hear the Clap isn’t really a big deal (5 red pills, 5 blue pills, easy-peezy).

Highlights of my trip:

• Running into the American’s Next Top Model girls at Caesars and laughing in their face, then yelling out “Is that Tyra’s lunch?” when the huge food cart rolled out. (Okay, that only happened in my head, but still)
• Spending copious amounts of money on Vodka, stumbling up to my hotel room and puking out the over-sized Carnegie’s corned beef sandwich I had eaten for lunch. That shit was all over the bathroom floor and garbage can! All the while my friend was puking his chicken salad lunch in the sink.  Did anyone consider using the toilet - No.
• Not getting arrested! Go me.

Anywho, I’ll get my creative juices flowing this week and grace you with something funny, or at least something you won’t regret in the morning (like 90% of your sexual encounters).

I’ve decided I hate Rachel Ray.  She is probably the second most irritating person on television, behind Tyra “Fivehead” Banks (of course).  How do people sit through this woman’s show and not want to punch something?  She is so loud and obnoxious.  I’m actually getting really upset as I write this.

Watch this video.  First of all, stop bashing your husband.  The sheer fact that he’s married you and continues to put up with you, tells me he probably partially retarded.  And everyone knows how I feel about making fun of retards.

But just look how excited she gets about taking the silk off of a corn.  So excited she proceeds to have sex with said corn.  Gross Rachel.  As Tyra might say: “You nasty girl”.

Also notice the awkward “cheers” the old broad does at the end (especially evident in the slow motion part).  Looks like she’s trying to lightsaber Ray-Ray, and with good reason (her high pitched laugh has threatened the structural integrity of the Death Star).

This video also reminds me of an unrelated joke…

How do you starve a black guy?  Put his food spamps in his work boots (Bud Ump Cheee).

I’m off to Vegas for the weekend.  Enjoy yourselves.

Fake hair is your bag
Your forehead is really huge
The devil says “hi”