Came across a list of the 100 Most Likely People To Die In 2009 on Cinema Blend today, thought I might share the wealth.

Most notable exception of course is that Shaneequa Bobble-Head (because that bitch’s head is always on a swivel, am I right?) Tyra Banks.  If it’s not possible to die from sheer ‘tude, I’m almost sure someone will be so fed up with her shit one of these days - enough so to spike her Slim Fast shakes with cyanide.  (… and I know just how to do it.  Uhh… I mean…)

P-Sway at numero six is a little pessimistic, I’d like to think he’ll be gone and out of everyone’s hair by mid-February at the latest. Here’s hoping.  Also, I’d be surprised if Gary Busey (#51) makes it through the night.

My most favouritest is definitely number 35!  The Iron Sheik has become my personal hero over the last year or so.  He’s made so many appearances all over YouTube, usually crying and/or raving about Chris Benoit’s murderous ass (Easter Egg: Notice CNN lists murdering your wife and 7-year old child as “Story Highlights”).  ”Sheiky-Baby” is the only man on earth who can go from screaming to crying to screaming faster than “celebs” are jumping on the Scientology bandwagon (Travolta killing his son, for the win!). Apparently Sheik has done a lot of Howard Stern appearances as of late, which has boosted his status. Too bad I don’t care because Howard Stern is so 1999 (seriously, when is THAT guy gonna die? I hear Syphilis is the new silent killer).

Least likely to come true? #85 in your program - Irving “Magic” Johnson. Everyone knows his insides were replaced with robot parts in the 90s. No one has AIDS for 32 years, sorry.  We’re on to you pal.

In the “Sorry To See You Go” department, we have Angela Landsbury at #49 of “Murder She Wrote” fame (define “fame”).  I know Dan will be most upset since that was definitely his favourite show growing up, next to “Dear John”.  At least she’ll be solving crimes up in heaven.

Finally, I love how Barack Obama at #10 is so much higher than John McCain at #88.  Eat that Matt Damon!

Enjoy.

Okay, so yes, it’s 4am. But in all honesty, this is BIG news! (though it appears it’s week old news, but I’m not up to buff on my internet knows-it, clearly - could you tell?)

So, the news is that Flight Of The Conchords Season 2, Episode 1 is out online! Check out the clips before someone remove them, which is bound to happen.

Thanks to Meech for passing this shit along.   Season two premieres on HBO and HBO Canada on January 18, 2009.

Okay, so apparently that lottery thing was bogus. Who knew, right? I sent several racy photos upon request, I was so sure I was gonna get the money after I painted “Mohammad, Roast My Turkey” on my chest and emailed the pics. But it just wasn’t to be.

So I’m back, with some two day old news. Just as lazy as ever!

It should be no surprise to anyone who knows me that I’m a big Elisha Cuthbert fan. In fact, I can’t think of one thing I wouldn’t let her do to me. Read into that what you like. I’m just saying, I’m sure her urine smells like rose pedals. (Golden Showers, is that crossing the line? Ah, probably)

Anyways, her ex boyfriend and my hero, Sean Avery (the National Hockey Leagues “badboy”) made a comment a few days ago to the media about NHL players being into his “sloppy seconds”, referring to Calgary Flames Dion Phaneuf, who’s now porking Cuthbert much to my shagrin. (Side question: Has anyone realized the double entendre that is the “Calgary Flames”? Cammon).

Regardless, this man has nailed Elisha Cuthbert and then one of the Olson twins, quite possibly in the same week. Give this man a medal! With all the recent trouble in the Canadian Parliament, has it occurred to anyone that Avery might be a good candidate to lead this country through our current economic hardship?

CBC Radio: Prime Minister Avery, the opposition party has stated that your budget this fiscal term is way out of whack, how do you respond to such alligation?

PM Avery: I had sex with Elisha Cutbert… in the ass. Next question.

CTV News: So Mr Avery, are you saying that Stefan Dion’s claim has no merrit.

PM Avery: Again, I’d just like to take you back to the fact that I also nailed an Olson twin in the pooper as well. You can tell that French-Canadian, walking speech impediment, to get the poutine out of his ears - BUTT-SEX, how many ways can I say it?

So the long and short of it is, the NHL got their jock-straps in a tizzy over said comments. But in all honesty, is this not what this joke of a professional sports league needs? A bit of controversy? The guy continues his antics, season after season and the league just keeps suspending him. WHY?

If I was them, I’d put his face on the league crest frankly! Or no wait, I’d put his face and then my face, and then Elisha Cuthbert’s naked body and make it like a two headed sexy-cynical-racist-hydra! (He’s the racist, not me!)

Video of the recent comments:

A compilation video that does him NO justice at all:

Way to go Obama. Way to be beat the odds big guy… following the worst Republican president in US history. Being Bush’s successor is going to be a tough challenge (as challenging as beating up kids… don’t judge me!). For rilllll.

Obama-related wagers I’m currently taking:

• How soon until someone drops the N-Bomb around him?
• How many bikes will Obama steal in his 4 year tenure?
• How soon until a reporter gets fired for pointing out Obama is black? (Think Rush Limbaugh mentioning McNabb was over-hyped because he was black and then getting fired by ESPN)
• How many months until a rapper ends up on a denomination of money?
• How many months until Palin ends up in playboy?

I will say this. Come Janvier, I’m really going to miss Dubya.

I used to wonder if I was capable of loving a man.  Now I know that man would have to be Tim and/or Eric.  I noticed on Amazon today that Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job: Season 2 DVD is being released on February 10th, and you bet your bananas I pre-ordered that shiz.

Tons of cameos, 200% more Casey and His Brother, and more laughs than the opposites of dead babies.

Also, as a sidebar, Tim and Eric directed the new Ben Folds video seen below.  And hey, the song doesn’t even suck.

You Dont Know Me (featuring Regina Spektor)

So the verdict is in, pre-order your copy todaaaaaaaaaaay!

Abso-lutely!

Links: Show Home | MySpace | Facebook | [Adult Swim] | Tim & Eric Season 1 DVD

“How could you do this to me?”
“We were meant to be together… Everyone knows you know it too.”
“Stop messing with my libido.”
“I cant haz butt secks?”

Those were just a few of the things I said today when I found out Sarah Silverman took back that dumpy loser Jimmy Kimmel.  (It should be noted I actually like Kimmel a lot, but I wouldn’t hesitate to throw a ninja star into his face if it meant I could have Sarah to myself)

Here are a few of the things I was planning to do to (and with, let’s be fair) Sarah if I was given the chance:

• Pooper sex
• Sing her a song about us making babies
• Proceed to make babies

(Not in that order)

The worst part is the asshole has the nerve to be photographed gripper her ass, as if to say “Hey Prom King, check out what you’re not going to be sticking your face into tonight!!”

I’m still keep faith that I’ll be Mr. Prom King-Silverman one day.  Who doesn’t want to marry the prom king? Yeah?

Just wanted to rub in the fact that I’m just about to leave to go see MGMT and everyone’s favourite Scientologist Beck @ Sound Academy.

Here’s a couple vid-yas to get you in the mood.

MGMT - Electric Feel

Beck - Gamma Ray

Smell ya later be-otches.

Is it just me, or does anyone else want to have serious pooper-sex with Tina Fey?  Honestly?

You’re a hip black dude
But why you yelling like that?
You’re not Rick James, bitch!

Okay, so I couldn’t decide which clip to attach to this post… soooo… I’m gonna just go ahead… aaaand… put both on here (Lumbergh anyone?). The clip only gets good at about half way when it turns into a rave I went to when I was 16. Enjoy.