We decided to embark on an adventure to the Steel City (aka America’s Shit Stain) Pittsburgh, PA. Being the birthplace of Andy Warhol and Warhol museum, as well as the location of my favourite hockey team, I was rather excited.

But really any excuse to smoke a few packs of Marlboros a day and drink excessively would excite me, right? (Although probably even a skipping rope in a circle on the floor with a penny in the middle would do it. Whatever, I’m tired and I have the “All-Nighter Chubs”)

The long and short of it is, we didn’t have a place to stay or really a thing to do and just jumped in a car and drove. Through our misadventures, I learned a few things (thankfully):

• Even after all these years of not eating Taco Bell, I was glad to see they still use the same recepe, slop-shit with a hint of homeless person’s urine. Also, Taco Bell USA doesn’t have Fries Supreme? What a disappointment, I couldn’t get my essential vitamines and nutrients! (”Then you had better add some extra tomatoes to my 12 tacos Amber”)
• If you hitchhike in Pittsburgh, you will likely get picked up by a bus full of black guys. I recommend you get on without asking questions, just DO NOT try so steal their beers when you depart. (I’m serious!!)
• Three guys singing songs like “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” and “Tiny Dancer” is very, very, straight, trust me. We were eating beef jerky, it’s cool.
• Hockey players in small cities get treated like royalty. They also probably get treated for STDs (Just saying)
• Tim from Wilkes-Barre who serves in the ‘Merican National Guard thinks “Obama is a Muslum” and is very upset about the election results. How upset? Well if there is a Presidential death threat from a sketchy dude with a meannnnnn hunch-back, you’ll know!
• Percocet makes a great parting gift (even if we did think they were Vicodin)

After partying until 2:00am and driving 7 hours home, I basically brushed my teeth and went to work. I’m officially naming today “John Daker Day” on account of me pretty much feeling today like John Daker does every day. Failing to sleep last night has me running on Coffee today, my brain is pretty much mashed potatoes right now. Sayonara