So I clearly haven’t been keeping up with my writing duties. For that, I’m appologetic.  Have I been busy? Hells yes. Is it your fault? Welllll… I didn’t want to say anything, but…

So you figure now our conversation will go like this:
You: So whats the deal? You’re gonna be writing again now right?
Me: Not really, no.
You: What’s the deal with that?
Me: Sorry no, I just won the lottery.

…and I wouldn’t be joking!  I just received an email today will change everything! No more eating from dumpsters (i.e. Rol Son on Spadina), no more begging for change (and by begging I mean sticking my wanger out with a sign that says “Street Meat, get it while it’s poor and desperate”).

Here is the email I got, with the subject line - “Yahoo! News- Lottery Messenger Yahoo! Lottery Results you won 200.000.00! Yahoo! Mail congratulates you‏”

Yahoo! News- Lottery Messenger Yahoo! Lottery Results you won 200.000.00! Yahoo! Mail congratulates you!
 
Yahoo! Mail announces you as one of the 5th lucky winners in the ongoing Yahoo Lottery Draw of the year 2008.
 
All 10 winning email addresses were randomly selected from a batch of 50,000,000 international emails each from Canada , Australia , United States , Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceania as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually, consequently, you have been approved for a total pay out of ( 200.000.00 Euros)
 
This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies and the WORLD BANK as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base.
 
you won fund is deposited in a financial security company here in London for upward transfer to you.
 
You are to send the completed verification form below to the email address of your claim agent so that you will be advised on what to do to get your prize money. Congratulations once more!!
 
CLAIM AGENT DETAILS
NAME: Keith Harry
TELEPHONE: +447045731605
EMAIL: ukvotelottery@yahoo.co.uk

DR. JUAN,CARLOS
LOTTO COORDINATOR.

It then continues on with some details about how I should include my personal banking information so they can reward me my money. This seems 100% legit, so don’t be all j-los. Just because I didn’t enter a draw and just because Yahoo is a tech company who doesn’t hold lotteries, doesn’t make this any less real to me. I’m just going to wait for my cash to be “upward transfered”, then i’m outta here (like your real dad).

I’m just here to tell you clowns that I’m Peace-Out until I’ve spent all my cash on blow and hookers, then I’ll be back begging for your love.

So goes the cycle of life! Ta Ta.