Is it just me, or does anyone else want to have serious pooper-sex with Tina Fey?  Honestly?

You’re a hip black dude
But why you yelling like that?
You’re not Rick James, bitch!

Okay, so I couldn’t decide which clip to attach to this post… soooo… I’m gonna just go ahead… aaaand… put both on here (Lumbergh anyone?). The clip only gets good at about half way when it turns into a rave I went to when I was 16. Enjoy.

Alright, so i published that little story about Facebook and this mythical man named Marc Zomberg on the weekend.  What a hit!  Searches for this guy skyrocketed and I got a crap load of traffic as a result.  (I’m a “take it where you can get it” kind of guy)

But apparently it isn’t over.  I’m seeing other bloggers catch on to this guy, not to mention a few “official” Marc Zomberg website.  (Listed at the end)

Even more disturbing is that the group has now grown to over 1.3 million retards.  This is your life, and it’s ending on click at a time.

The description of the group has also been modified to specify that Marc Zomberg is actually an alias (of course!), and his real name can’t be use due to “legal complications”.  Take a deep breath.  Think about it.  Then laugh your ass off.  Actually, I’m glad that’s been cleared up, because I was getting a little suspicious.

Regardless, in a shameless attempt to cash in on more hits, I decided on this little story-update, slash, fluff piece.  Below is a list of the new Zomberg websites and the only blog mentions worth checking out.

As soon as this guy spawns his own Busted Tees line of shirts, I’m checking out (of life).

Marc Zomberg’s “Official” Blog

The REAL Marc Zomberg

The First Zomberg Blog Post

I decided on a new weekly feature for the site, aptly named “Montage Monday”! Anymore explanation needed?

What better way to kick off a new awesome feature than highlighting one of the greatest movies of all time!? I had this puppy on BetaMax as a kid (Yes, I had a Beta! Fuck you, it lasted longer than LaserDisk did) and used to watch it weekly instead of going to church. I was all like “Down with God, up with round house kicks!”.

Frankly, I’m not sure we can even do a Montage Monday Week 2, just because this clip is total ownage.  Watching Daniel climb the ranks while Johnny, Sensei Kreese and the Cobra Kai look on in disgust and disappointment.  Man, I hated Sensei Kreese as a kid! Almost as much as I hate Tyra Banks now! Thinking about it is giving me angina.

This just proves that even if you’re a little shit from Jersey, you can beat up guys that are twice as big as you and have been studying Karate 10 times as long. I really hope a retarded kid wins the next American Idol to complete the perfect seemingly-impossible trifecta (along with Keanu Reeves still managing to find work… of course).

You crazy rich girl.
What happened when you are young?
“Touched by an Uncle”?

While tootin’ around Facebook today, I noticed in my news-feed that people I know have joined a group called “IF 10 MILLION JOIN MARC ZOMBERG WILL BRING BACK THE OLD FACEBOOK!“, this was my LOI (laugh on the inside) of the day.

So first off, the most obvious…  Facebook boasts just over 100-million registered users, so literally almost 10% of users would have to join this group, which seems plausible on the surface.  However, consider how many users are almost completely inactive, the users that just come on to look at pictures of girls in bikinis and stalk people (like me), the please that just don’t give a fuck enough to join a group, the people who don’t circulate invites, plus subtract the people who actually LIKE the new look.  You’re left with well under 10M, not even mentioning the time it would take to circulate that kind of invite around Facebook (which would never happen) and the number of people who leave the group in the mean time.

Then there is “Marc Zomberg”.  Marc Zomberg wouldn’t do such a thing! Wanna know why?  Because if the joker who created this group is referring to Facebook’s founder and CEO (and the King of Dorks), he’d be talking about Mark Zuckerberg.  That literally took me 0.23 seconds to google.

I especially love the group description:

Today I received a message from Marc Zomberg the founder of the greatest company and he told me to make this group he wants to know how many people realy want the old facebook back, so he could bring it back.

Now we need everyone who want the old facebook back to join this group and invite everyone because he gave us only 20 days to do this.

Hurry up and invite we have only 20 days to do this.

As God did to Moses, the burden of carrying the word of the almighty to the people has been bestowed upon Jakob Pettersson, a young boy from London.  “Marc” went out of his way to ask this random guy to create a group on his own site, to protest his own site design (and INSISTED that he do so with COMPLETE disregard for commas and sentence structure!).  No, this makes complete sense to me.

This reminds me of the emails that I think every person I know forwarded me at one point, about Microsoft giving away thousands of dollars to people for circulating an email.  Just ignore the fact that the math on that one completely ridiculous, how would they even contact you and everyone else to send these cheques anyways.

Who falls for this shit?  Probably the same losers that call their friends and family and tell them they’ve won the lottery in England because an email told them so.

People just want to be part of some type of revolution so badly, it pains me to watch it.  This isn’t V For Vendetta here, and you’re definitely not Natalie Portman (because I’d already be trying to have sex with you if you were.  BTW, is she still dating Devendra Banhart? Because I will muder his ass if necessary).  Move on with your life! If the new Facebook interface is the top of your priority list when you’re visiting the site, then clearly you don’t have enough hot friends to creep. Get a life (or at least pretend to have one).

Lazy post alert!

So I’m going to the Cut Copy show tonight (please don’t stalk me… who am I kidding, please do), so in honor of that joyous event, here is two Cut Copy videos you might wanna bump and grind to this weekend.

Keep it sleazy.

Hearts On Fire

Lights And Music

Well not quite. But seriously, die already!

My real gripe is with Entertainment Tonight who broke the story of Swayze’s imminent death back in the beginning of March 2008.  The headline was “Patrick Swayze, 4 Weeks to Live” and was delivered by none other than TV’s favourite wench Mary Hart.  Well guess fucken’ what?  Buddy is still alive and kickin’.  Boooooring!  I declare first-rate shenanigans on that bogus adventure.

Truthfully though, don’t you think Mary Hart would look much more attractive swimming in a vat of molten lava?  I’m just saying.  I really think tabloid reporters should all be herded into a murder-shower and have it broadcast on live TV.  Who else would find that wildly entertaining?  We can bill it as a comedy and charge $20 a pop for the DVD version where I do the narrative and we’ll play the Benny Hill theme song over it! (Trademarking that idea, just so you know)

The best quote I read from P-Sway when discussing his death - “I’m a miracle dude - I don’t know why”.  First off, there is only one guy who can call himself a “dude”, and that’s THE DUDE.  Secondly, who even talks like that?  I know you were in Donnie Darko, but seriously, now you’re comparing yourself to Christ?  I don’t think the Christians are gonna like that one pal!  The only ones performing miracles around here are J.C. and Tom Cruise (that’s what Scientologists do, right?).

The fact remains, Swayze stared in some really crappy movies and now he’s totally pulling a Magic Johnson on everyone.  I don’t like it… not one bit.  If this doesn’t end soon, I’m seriously going to bop Swazey and Mary Hart’s heads together like Moe did to Larry and Curly.

Then we’ll see who’s dying! (Dying like a fox!)

Got a sneak peek of the new Tim & Eric: Awesome Show, Great Job eppy for this upcoming Sunday.  If you’re not already watching this show regularly, you need to start or risk burning in hell for eternity.  Sorry, it’s kinda an unwritten rule.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job - 309 - Larry
[adult swim] (Cartoon Network)
Sunday September 18, 12:30am & 4:30am

For your health!

Shocking, I know!

So I work in a heavily Asian-populated city (starts with an “M”, ends in an “arkham”) and it seems every morning as I motor to work, I’m delayed by a row of cars rubber-necking an intersection crowded with city’s best drivers who ALWAYS seem to be Asian!

Let’s investigate the facts…

1. You live in a “heavily Asian-populated city”, clearly most accidents are going to be by Asian people!
X, WRONG! I’ve had many-a-jobs, none of which were in Markham, none of which yielded this kind of morning drive.  Sorry, but I drive a lot, and I never see as many accidents as I see in Markham.

2. You could be racist.
X, WRONG!  Actually, no… you’re probably right.

3. Insurance rates are higher in Markham
Coincidence? Me thinks not!  Now I’ve never actually confirmed this, but I heard it from a very reliable source (your mom! no… but still)

4. Slanty eyes
Ya, I said it! It’s not racist, it’s just factual. Though I’m not sure less eyeball exposure is related to crappy motoring skills, but this is the ONLY place I’d have the balls to point that out, so-mm-doin-et.

You would think Asians would be great at hand-eye coordination too! Karate anyone? Have you seen Enter the Dragon? Fucken fists of fury son!

Hold up, is “Asian” even the right term these days?  I know you’re not supposed to say “Oriental”, but I never know for sure. “Nip” is a big no-no too right?  Apparently I’m not up to speed on my PC-phrases.  Whatever, I’m just a “WOP”, what do i know? (Other than how to fix up Mustangs and IROCs and order bottle service at Ultra - Gray Goose only)